Coping with Bullying

Bullying is everywhere, in schools, in the workplace and at home. Whilst it can happen to everyone, those on the Autistic spectrum are particularly susceptible and least equipped to cope with it. There are several books and websites with very good advice, particularly with coping in the workplace where there are laws against such practice. Unfortunately, dealing with bullies is particularly difficult for those with Aspergers in the workplace. Whilst there may be workplace laws, the situation is difficult. A single incident is not bullying - it must be repetitive. Information must be documented, complaints raised following a specific process, and the bully can go through many different stages (see the 15 steps below). In any meetings arranged between the Aspie, the bully and the HR representative, the Aspie is at an extreme disadvantage. Such workplace HR action can take a long time, during which time your life can be hell.

Rule #1: Do not react.
The Aspie is known to respond with what will be viewed by the powers-that-by as an over-reaction. Whilst the response may seem appropriate to the Aspie, it will be deemed in appropriate and your Manager, HR department, etc. will view you as the antagonist rather than the victim.

After quite a bit of research into the appropriate response, the conclusion from a number of sources (which I do find unsatisfactory) is as follows:

Action: Get out of there.

Remove yourself completely from the people, situation, place of work. The best professional advice I have been able to find is to simply leave or get out of the way. It is pointless engaging, fighting back, complaining, going to your manager, writing letters, doing legal stuff, etc. Just leave as soon as you can. In looking for work note that "like attracts like" - some companies have a culture of bullying and the best people suited to that organisation are those who engage in similar types of behaviour. Try and ascertain this before you take the job. Most NT's are fine, caring, thoughtful, respectable people. If you come across the few that aren't then remove yourself from their presence and get on with your life.

15 Steps of Unmasking the Bully

(Taken from Tim Field's book "Bully in Sight"). The bully can go through many stages. It can be very hard for the Aspie to recognise and deal with such a wide range of defence tactics.

Surprise
Denial
Projection
Sympathy
Alarm
Threat
Provocation
Delay
Panic
Defence
Confusion
Diversion
Counter-attack
Humility
Play victim

Bullying at School

The situation seems to be getting worse. Kids are also using cellphones and internet chat sites to bully others. I can't offer any advice here at the moment - you are at the mercy of your parents and teachers, who, in my experience, consider such conflict situations as "character building", "good for you", "learning to cope", etc. This is of course completely the wrong response from those that should be your guardians. The best advice I can give is similar to workplace situations:

Do not respond, react or fight back.
Get out of the situation if you can.

Yes, I am saying "run away". I know you see the opposite on the TV, the bullied kid gets up and hits the bully and becomes a hero. That is TV; that is for NT people; that is not real life. The best thing for an Aspie to do is run away.